If you know you know
I wouldn’t consider myself someone who thirsts for learning. I find out what I need to know to get through my daily life, but I don’t think I’d be named a knowledge seeker. I mean, I barely made it through college twenty-five years ago with a bachelor’s degree and 2.875 cumulative GPA.
But what I do thirst for is understanding. I rarely take something at face value; I will undoubtedly have 17 follow-up questions upon discovery of any new information. It’s why some would describe me as “thorough” in my workplace. It’s also why I overthink every situation in my personal life, but that’s another blog entry. The point here is I get nothing from scripture if I don’t have context. I need to know the who, where, and when before I can grasp where it belongs in my belief system and contend what it means for my life today. So when I came upon the verse in Acts, chapter one, about “waiting on the Lord,” I had to know more.
“And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, which, he said, “you heard from me.”
Acts 1:4
I encountered the piece of scripture referenced in a bible reading plan titled, “Living Acts,” a daily devotional from the Holy Bible app, built around the aforementioned chapter of Acts. The opening paragraph of the devotional sets the scene with the following words:
“Jesus is alive. The resurrection has happened. The disciples are buzzing with questions and energy. Surely now is the moment to act. Surely this is when everything finally kicks off. But Jesus does something unexpected. He tells them to stop. To wait.
And then he ascends into a cloud, leaving behind these words”:
“It is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”
Acts 1:7-8
I could isolate those instructions to the time and place of first century Middle East, designate them to the apostles as an instrument of preparation for the task they had clearly been called to. Jesus had a specific message for a specific group of people for a specific task before them. He was instructing his disciples, He wasn’t talking to me.Certainly he didn’t mean for me to wait on Him before answering the call on my own life?
Except, I think He did. I believe He does. And I believe it because I am acutely aware of the difference in consequences when I rush to discernment of my own determination versus when I wait obediently on the Holy Spirit to “come upon me.”
In a world where everything we desire is right at our fingertips and a sense of urgency is a constant state of mind, how much more difficult is it these days to wait on the Lord? Especially when the calling feels like it requires immediate attention and action? When a decision is in front of us: a calling, a push, an invitation, a proposal, how are we supposed to know when the right time to move is? How long do we wait? I’ve already answered my own questions at the top of this entry but it bears repeating…“wait for the promise of the Father, which you heard from me.”
Cool, so we just “wait until we know.”
I can hear you literally rolling your eyes at me in frustration. Believe me, I feel you. It’s the same way I get when I hear or see the exclusionary catch phrase “if you know you know.(IYKYK)” I’m annoyed.
That’s just it, I want to be in the loop. I want to KNOW and I want someone to spell it out for me in a road map with step-by-step instructions. Don’t gatekeep, don’t answer my question with more questions, Lord, just tell me where to go and when!
It’s funny because in my current vocation, students come to me for direction. Most of the time they come to me bewildered and helpless and essentially unprepared for their next step. You’ll be glad to know that I do not tell them to go back to their dorms and “wait until they know.” I mentor them on what it means to cultivate “preparedness” and “readiness” in their pursuit of career success. I advise them to participate in things like research, intentional self-awareness and discovery, reflection and practice before they put themselves in a position of action. I give them some very tangible things to process and complete before taking that next step. And I reassure them that they can come back to me for encouragement and review before they make their next move. I recognize the correlation now when I write it out. It may not be spelled out in a job description for Jesus, but He does the same for us too.
“If you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”
Proverbs 2:1-5
It’s all over scripture, His command to reflect, remember and to pray. Pray constantly and fervently. Reflect on the words He gave us in the Bible. Remember the times when you heard His wisdom and care in the past. Remember who He is and what He promised, faithful in the assurance that when you ask for His wisdom, He will let you know.
“ Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” Jeremiah 33:3
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
The same sentiment is repeated in Luke 11:9–13. Jesus tells us that when we pray in sincerity and humility, we will see/hear/feel the Holy Spirit, providing us divine direction and truth.
“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thank to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of His holy people in the kingdom of light.”
Colossians 1:9-12
Inside scoop: these blog entries are often written in bits and pieces over weeks, sometimes months. The timing and duration aren’t by choice, I just don’t feel they are authentic if I don’t allow the Holy Spirit to contribute to what is written here in His time.
It’s not coincidence that smack dab in the middle of writing this particular post my daughter returned from her summer mission in Europe insisting that I read a biblical study of the book of Colossians. As I cracked open my laptop to finish my thoughts on what to do when we’re called to “wait,” I turned to read the next chapter in that study. And the words from Colossians already written just above in this post were staring back at me from the pages of the recommended reading.
Joyce Meyer writes in her study of Colossians, “Do you know what the word ‘wait’ means? It doesn’t mean to go sit in a chair somewhere and do nothing until God moves. The word ‘wait’ has the same definition as the word ‘hope.’ In fact, the NIV uses ‘hope’ instead of ‘wait’ in the words of Isaiah 40:31…So to wait means to wait expectantly(hopeful),looking and longing for God to move.”
Her perspective had me thinking quite differently about how to finish my thoughts in this post.
I’m really good at the praying, reflecting and remembering part of the wait. The “hoping” part? Not so much. I have this terrible habit of “hoping” my way right into debilitating self-doubt. I’ll walk around a clothing store for 30 minutes with a garment on my arm only to put it back on the rack five seconds from walking out the door empty handed. You can imagine if I contemplate and abandon the purchase of a pair of pants what it looks like for me to consider the weight of God’s callings on my life. How many times do I pick up my torch only to set it right back down, doubtful and discouraged? If you read “Rivers and Lights” you already know: ALL THE TIME. And right in line with my ADHD tendencies, I can also behave in quite the opposite way. I can be so overwhelmed with the decision in front of me that I make a choice without considering His wisdom at all. Following the urge to act, if for no other reason than to have a decision made and escape the uncomfortable feelings in the waiting.
You’d think at my age that I would be better by now at the waiting and asking for wisdom, but we established clearly at the onset of this post that I’m a slow learner. In this moment, there is an invitation before me that feels like I’m being called from one thing to another. Unexpected in timing and temptation, I’m faced with a choice that feels deserving of a really good “wait.” I know that there are good things to come with whatever choice I make. I know that He will provide opportunities for blessing and growth on either path. I know that He will be with me every step of the way. No matter how much I “know,” I have to be reminded that what drives the best decisions of my life are reflection and prayer accompanied by an approach postured in expectant hope. Any other tactic will have me either moving with entirely too much haste or none at all. And so, I wait.
